Crazy old bat behind the wheel

road rage 2

Nowadays it’s just me and my dogs. While adorable, my girls are not the best conversationalists. They are patient listeners though, and have yet to break into a chorus of howls. But, some days I really miss human interaction.

So, while perusing our city’s highways and byways , I talk to those sharing the road with me. They don’t hear me of course, but that’s beside the point.

I have a confession: I have become a mouthy driver.

I just don’t understand why can’t people drive as sensibly as I do?? <wink>

For example:

Turn signals. Gee, thanks for the warning, Dude! Oh wait, you bought the model WITHOUT  blinkers. 

Fast lane. Seriously? Don’t hop over here and slow down! MOVE IT!!!

Posted speed limit.  Aww come on! They don’t mean it!!… Or…. It says 45, not 43!!… Or… Pedal those legs baby, lets GO!!

Yellow light. Now that was just dumb! It JUST turned yellow. You don’t stop! The groceries are all over the place, my bread is squished, something rolled under the seat… That was just dumb! 

Red light. OH that was close!!! Oh my Goodness!! PEOPLE, red means STOP!!!

Stop signs. [speaking to the student behind the wheel of a Drivers Education vehicle]. You’re turning, I’m not. I’m going. Or Not!!  Don’t they teach you this stuff anymore??? Yo, Instructor, put the iPhone away.

Interstate merging. Oh, I hope you know how to merge. Please know how to merge. Okay, Really?? They’re doing 75. You’re going 40?? That is NOT merging, lady!!

Pedestrian crosswalk. HEY, did you not see him standing there?? What is wrong with you people? It’s okay darlin’, you can cross now. Take your time. There you go.

While my conversations are so quiet only someone inside my car can hear them and anyone outside looking in would think I’m just a crazy old bat talking to myself (Hmm, apparently I am)… I have no excuse for my behavior. I really need to find another form of entertainment while I’m driving. Maybe I’ll try singing along with the radio. Off key of course, but oh well.

This entry was posted in driving, Family, Humor, Life, Life. Isn't it Grand!, Men, People, Roadrage, Uncategorized, Women and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Crazy old bat behind the wheel

  1. mewhoami says:

    Although I am relatively calm in the driver’s seat, I’ll admit that these are funny. I like your idea of singing. That sounds like an excellent plan! It’ll probably help make the time much more enjoyable.

  2. Glynis Jolly says:

    And here I thought I was the only one talking other drivers. I also have conversations with God while I mosey down the road.

  3. CJ says:

    Well, then, perhaps I should sign myself up for the ‘crazy old bat’ club? LMAO! Consider me a member…

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